A favorite

This has always been a favorite poem of mine. I first heard it in High School when we sang it in choir.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

Sauteed Lemon Chicken Strips

My mom has some old issues of Cook's Country magazine. We have been trying some of the recipes from them a lot lately. Every recipe we have tried we have LOVED! A few we have had to make some minor adjustments to, but over all they are delicious! Here is the recipe for the one we tried tonight.

Sauteed Lemon Chicken Strips

1 1/2 lbs chicken tenderloins (we used chicken breasts and cut them into about 3/4 in wide strips)

Salt and pepper

2 Tablespoons vegetable or olive oil

3 Tablespoons unsalted butter (must use unsalted or will be too salty due to the capers)

3 garlic cloves, minced

2 Tablespoons drained capers, minced

1 Tablespoon flour

1 cup low-sodium chicken broth ( again, must be low-sodium or will be too salty)

1/3 cup juice from 2 lemons

2 Tablespoons minced fresh parsley

1. Pat chicken dry with paper towels and season with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until just smoking. Cook half of chicken until golden brown and cooked through, about 2 min per side. Transfer to platter and tent with foil; repeat with remaining oil and chicken.

2. Add 1 tablespoon butter, garlic, and capers to empty skillet* and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in flour and cook  until beginning to brown, about 30 seconds. Stir in broth and lemon juice and simmer, scraping up any browned bits, until slightly thickened, about 3 minutes. Off heat, whisk in parsley and remaining butter. Stir in browned chicken along with any accumulated juices and season with salt and pepper. Serve

*best to use the same skillet cooked chicken in for 2 reasons. 1, it adds flavor to the sauce, and 2, the sauce actually helps loosen up the browned oil and any stuck chicken stuff off the pan. Which makes for a delicious flavorful sauce and easier clean up of the skillet too!

Serves 4

We served this with Rice Pilaf. And it was sooo yummy!

Finding the "lost" pieces of me

My marriage was not an easy one. It was good for a while. But it was also a controlling relationship among other things. Because of this and also due to his mental illness, I put all of me into trying to make him well, trying to make him feel loved and good so that in turn he could fulfill those wants and needs that I had. Sadly the result was me almost completely losing who I was and am. I was so focused on him and what he wanted, I lost some of myself. When it all fell apart, I realized that I didn't really know who I was anymore. I had been defined as his wife. Then when Elliot came along and it was his wife and Elliot's mom. At least that is how it seemed to me. Who was I now? When asked by someone to describe myself and what I like, I was stumped. Things I remember liking before, I didn't even know if I could do them or even like them again. That is one of the scariest feelings ever! It is just short of having amnesia. At least I knew my name and who my family and friends were. Over the past year I have been slowly and sometimes painfully "remembering" parts of who I was before, and how I felt about things. Some things I have found I still enjoy, like cooking. I LOVE cooking! It got to be such a drag and really frustrating to cook when I was married. The stress of everything alone burned me out so I didn't want to. But he was also a REALLY picky eater and he would critic it too. I know some of it was due to his illness, but still, he didn't have to be quite as harsh as he could be sometimes. But I have rediscovered my love for cooking and I am dang good at it too!

I have been working with my counselor a lot trying to sort through all the feelings and memories, trying to find Me again. It has been painful at times. But the most painful experience actually did not come from a therapy session. I have a really good friend at work that I bounce a lot of things off of and vent to. We have known each other for several years. I don't remember exactly how many, but we have known each other from before I met Nate. One day while talking with this friend about some things that had happened and how I felt about it all, I found it somewhat of a release. Some of the things discussed I had never told anybody before, not even my counselor. Funny how I would tell this friend about those feelings and not my counselor. Probably because I felt embarrassed or bad about feeling the way I did or reacting the way I did. I don't know for sure. At the same time, it brought up some very raw emotion that I thought I had already worked through. Apparently not. I won't go into much more detail here yet about the pieces I am finding, but it is happening. Slowly, but I am getting there. Between my counselor, Bishop, my friend at work, family and another close friend, and most importantly my Heavenly Father, I am and will get through it and be able to find those "lost" pieces. And those pieces that are too broken to fit anymore, or are forever missing, I know that through my experiences and through time, new ones will and are being made to fit. I will find Me and be whole again. But it is a process and I intend to learn, enjoy, cry and grow from all of it along the way.

Some Eternal Perspective

Today we had a department devotional for the Church History Department for which I work. One of the perks of working for the church is that a few times throughout the year we have a devotional where one of the GA's speak. Usually it is one who is assigned to "over-see" or an "adviser" to the department. This time it was Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. I've always liked to hear him speak so I was looking forward to the meeting. I did not expect the emotions that his topic he discussed would bring. Obviously I didn't know before hand what he would talk about, but I have never experienced emotions, insight and answers like I did today. He mostly talked about families, the eternal principles of families that are taught over and over. Some people may get tired of hearing the Brethren speak about this. I'll admit, I have often felt like that also. That they couldn't possibly be aware of me and my situation and even though I believe in what they are saying, my situation and things I have experienced sometimes makes it seem like the Brethren don't understand and how can I ever live up to or have what they are talking about concerning families. But Elder Holland taught that his responsibility is to teach eternal principles, to teach us about how life is and will be in the eternities. He knows we are not perfect and that there are no perfect families in the ideal and perfect situation. We are human and we have our struggles and  The Adversary is constantly at our door trying to attack the family unit. Why would Satan try so hard to attack the family if families weren't such an important principle in the Gospel? He even destroyed 1/3 of our "heavenly family" before we ever came to this earth! So how are we to know how to live in the next life if we aren't taught those principles and truths in this life? This life is for learning those principles and practicing them. Yes, practicing! Not being perfect, but learning to and becoming perfect, eventually. The perfection is for the next life, not this one. Nobody who ever lived on this earth was perfect while here, except one, Christ. This gave me relief and comfort. No, my family is not perfect. I am not married, I am divorced, with a young child. I do not have the "ideal" eternal family unit. At least not right now. But I realized as Elder Holland was speaking that, that is ok. As long as I am learning and living the gospel and keeping the covenants I have made, that all will be made right in the next life. I will have the "ideal", "perfect" family that is talked about so much in the church. Now this doesn't mean that it isn't difficult at times. Mother's Day last year was difficult, as was Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. All special times revolving around family. And just because mine isn't the "ideal" family right now. I still have a family. Elliot is my family, my parents are my family, siblings, nephew, etc. I felt relief and comfort hearing and realizing all of this. I feel less pressure somehow. At the same time I was overwhelmed and humbled by something he brought out in how much of an importance and sacredness the family is. Elder Holland referred to in the Book of Mormon where Alma is talking to Helaman about the importance and sacredness of the responsibility of keeping and preserving the plates which contained a record of God's children and His teachings. The interesting insight was this, Elder Holland substituted family for where the plates were referred to. The following verses are some of what he read in this context:   


Alma 37


Verse 14:
And now remember, my son, that God has entrusted you with these things, which are sacred, which he has kept sacred, and also which he will keep and preserve for a wise purpose in him....


Verse 15:
And now behold, I tell you by the spirit of prophecy, that if ye transgress the commandments of God, behold, these things which are sacred shall be taken away from you by the power of God....


Verse 16:
But if ye keep the commandments of God, and do with these things which are sacred according to that which the Lord doth command you, (for you must appeal unto the Lord for all things whatsoever ye must do with them) behold, no power of earth or hell can take them from you, for God is powerful to the fulfilling of all his words.


Verse 17:
For he will fulfill all his promises which he shall make unto you....


Now at first you may think it very overwhelming and cruel of sorts of why He would take your family away. But I don't see it that way. God is a just and merciful god and judges us compared to our own abilities and knowledge and heart. At least that is how I believe and understand. So knowing all this, I see these verses as comforting and powerful. I'll admit, a little daunting knowing the great and sacred task and responsibility of being a parent and taking care of these precious souls. But with it also comes some amazing blessings that I am so grateful for and I know that I can't even comprehend a lot of yet. But I feel renewed, and am excited to push forward and learn all I can of how He would have me live and raise my son. I am really grateful for the word of Elder Holland today. Many of my questions were answered and I have been comforted. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who I know is very mindful of me personally and my situation and things I have, am and will experience in my life.

Dating : Online vs Conventional

I've been thinking a lot lately about dating and getting out and meeting people. I think I am ready. I guess I won't know for sure unless I try right? But this also causes some anxiety. I don't really know many people that I could go out with. All my friends are either married, or way too young. So I just tell myself that maybe I'm not ready, and I just push the idea to the back of my mind. But I need to do something. Even if it is just to meet someone for friendship, to get out and do stuff to get me out of the house and some fun adult interaction that isn't work. I just don't know how to do this. Some of my friends have suggested a dating website. I'm not totally against this idea. I know several people who met some great people online, some have even ended up marrying a person they met online. And they are amazing people. On the flip-side, I have heard horror stories too. So the idea of meeting someone online scares me. But then I also think of the way things are now. I have a child, so I just can't go out and do things like I used to. So meeting people that way is not as easy. And the way the world is now, so much is online. With all the social media sites and things, it give you a much wider range of opportunities to connect with people with similar interests than just coming across someone in your day to day activities. So I guess here is my question I am putting out there for you all. What are your thoughts on this? And does anybody have any suggestions and things to try, where to go, websites, etc.? I'm not looking for anything real serious right now, just a chance to meet and get out and do things. And to be able to define myself again. If I happen to find someone in the process, than that is great. But it is not my sole purpose or obsession. Any input/advice on this subject would be appreciated.

Where You Relax

March 31st Photo a Day pic:

The 2 places I like to go to relax. My bed is so comfy. And the other is so peaceful. Unfortunately I can only go to the 2nd place during summer and fall. It is located up Little Cottonwood Canyon. It is up by Cecret Lake.

Toy

March 30th Photo a Day pic:

These are my two favorite "toys". Sadly, however, my beloved nikon D50 is broken and I still have to get it either repaired, or buy a new camera body. I sure do miss it!