Please Don't.......

So it's been a few months since the miscarriage and I had thought I was dealing with it pretty well. I found out a couple weeks ago how wrong that thought was. It really wasn't until I found out that 3 of my friends were pregnant and due around the same time I would have been, that it became apparant that I hadn't really dealt with it yet. Now please don't misunderstand me. I really do not hold anything against these friends and it isn't really jealousy, but it did bring a lot of feelings to the surface that I guess I had supressed. The feeling of grief, which I hadn't really dealt with too much in this situation. Yes I did cry, especially when I ended up having to have the shot to help my body complete the miscarriage. I think it was having to have that shot that really made the miscarriage real to me. It was a hard night that night. But other than that, I hadn't really grieved. I was sad and disappointed, but never really grieved. When I found out that some friends were due around the same time I would have been was really hard. I was flooded with mixed emotions. Extremely happy for all of them. A baby is such an amazing thing to happen to a family, and I really am happy for them and it will be exciting to see their new bundles of joy when they come. But I also felt saddness. Sad because, I wouldn't get that experience, at least not yet. It is something that I desire so much, that having to wait is hard, especially when we were there, and than lost it. I felt gratitude, because even though we lost the baby, I am so grateful that we had that brief realization of pregnancy. It was the pregnancy that really shocked us into remembering why we loved each other and that we had made a covenant and that we really did want to work things out. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, I can honestly say, that I don't know if we would have realized all this and re-committed to staying together and working things out. The pregnancy was a miracle and we don't believe it was just chance. Now to the reason the title of this post is "Please Don't.." When people found out I had miscarried, it was (and still kind of is) a bit awkward. Nobody really knows what to say. I know they mean well and I know they want to express their love and sympathies and at the same time try to make me feel better. This is the part that is THE WORST! The responses that were comforting were, "I"m sorry for what you had to go through, it must be hard.", "I'm here if you want to talk or cry", or "You will get to meet and keep that child in the next life". Those were actually good and comforting responses. What I hated, and still hate when people say is this......." Well, at least it happened real early in the pregnancy instead of a few months in"!!!!!! Aarggghh! No you just didn't! Please do not ever say that to anybody who has had a miscarriage!! Yes, true, it was real early in the pregnancy, and it probably would have been harder on my body if it was later on rather than ealy in the pregnancy. But when it comes to emotional, WRONG!!!!!! I can't explain it, but even though I was pregnant for a very short amount of time. There is still something that changes within. I can't explain it, maybe someone who has gone through a miscarriage and than had a healthy pregnancy resulting in the birth of a healthy baby might be able to explain it better. But something within definitely changes, and it is a change that never reverses. I am a different person now after the miscarriage, than I was before I got pregnant. I really can't explain it. Maybe the realization of a life long dream is occuring, or the fact that your family is growing, and all the excitement and love that is accompanied by all of that is what it is, I don't really know. But I really don't think it is any different from the beginning to the end of pregnancy. Sure, some of it may change a bit in the form of gathering more excitement and such, but I think the love is immediately there. Even if you don't recognize it I believe that it is there in some form. So telling someone who has experienced a miscarriage that it was better that it happened earlier rather than later, is a HUGE mistake and very rude! It is hurtful. I don't feel like I would have felt any worse. And from the moment I found out I was pregnant I loved our baby and wanted them so badly. And than the realization a few days later that I was losing the baby, was very hard, very depressing, very disappointing. I can't really describe accurately how I felt. So please, don't anybody EVER say those mean words "At least it happened earlier rather than later on in the pregnancy"! It is very hurtful.