Conflicting Emotions

This past month with the pregnancy has been crazy and very uncomfortable. We finally finished the baby's room last week. It took us a month to complete. I posted some pics on mine and Nate's blog so you can go here http://theuncks.blogspot.com/2010/09/babys-room.html to see what it looks like. The past 2 weeks I have been having some pretty severe nausea and this last week a lot of vomiting. So the doctor gave me this new wrist band thing to try to help. It is still in the trial phase so not many people have heard of it. It is a band that kind of looks like a watch. It sends electical pulses into your nervous system which then sends a message to your brain to block the signals that trigger the nausea and vomiting. It works! When wearing that, the nausea is completely gone. And it also seemed to lessen my heartburn as well! Yes!!!!! Now that the baby's room is complete and ready for him to come and we have had all our baby showers, we have been so ready and anxious for him to be here already. Especially me. I'm done with being pregnant right now. I just want to see him and hold him. On Wednesday I had my 38 week appointment. My blood pressure was slightly elevated, but not enough to alarm anything. The doctor said everything was progressing nicely and the baby would probably come within a week! I was totally crossing my fingers for that to be true. Than Thursday morning I woke up with my eyes all puffy, my face was slightly swollen around the mouth and one eye was twitching/blinking a lot. Called the doctor, my luck, my doctor was not in the office on Thursdays. :( So I talked to another nurse. She advised me to just lay down for the rest of the day and see if that reduced the swelling. It didn't. So Friday morning I woke up and my eye twitching was even worse and one side of my mouth looked like it drooped, especially noticable when I try to smile. I got really worried, so I called the doctor again. They, of course, asked if I had eaten or been around anything that would have caused an allergic reaction, but I hadn't. Since I had had an elevated blood pressure on Wednesday, they wanted me to come in and get it checked again. So we went in. And it was high, not extremely high, but high enough to be alarmed. On Wednesday it was 138/72. Friday it was 140/92. Doctor said I have Hypertension. So the doctor checked everything with the baby. Heartbeat was good, he has been moving like crazy for days! I was dilated to almost a 2. So baby was doing great! As for my eyes and face, I have Bells Palsy. I was so devastated to hear that. Now I'm going to look like Quasimodo for our first pics with the baby! :( Nate tries to be comforting and tell me it isn't really noticable at all. Sweet, but it is still bothering me! Due to Hypertension, the baby is coming early! I am being induced Sunday morning. Until then, I am on bedrest. So depending on how everything goes, our little boy will be here Sunday or Monday! Yay! Here is where the conflicting emotions come into play. I am sooo ready to have this baby be here. I am extremely excited to see him and hold him, and to not be pregnant anymore! ;) But I am completely terrified about the labor and birth process. And a little scared about being responsible for him and his care after we bring him home, but excited for that part too. I think everything is kind of hitting me all at once now. It is finally here, but now it is real and scary, especially considering the circumstances with my high blood pressure and than just plain annoying and uncomfortable with the Bells Palsy! It confuses me how I can feel so much excitement for the baby to finally be here, but yet be soooo extremely terrified about the process of getting him here. I kind of had a little bit of a break down when I called my mom yesterday to tell her. Right now I'm feeling a bit more calm about it, but I'm sure I will have another breakdown before this is all over with. I never new I could feel such strong, opposing emotions at the same time, and with this much intensity! And I'm sure it is only going to get worse for a little while until it tapers back down again after he is born. But I am so excited for our little guy to be here and to see him and hold him!