Frustrated, hurt, angry, scared

Okay, so as you can probably tell by the title, this post is mostly going to be a venting session. I definitely need one. Last week at Elliot's 4 month appointment, I was told that since his flat spot on the back of his head is not filling out like it should and since he tilts his head to the right he would need to wear a helmet to correct the shape of his head. The tilting is Tortocollis. The pediatrician said we needed to go see a cranial specialist for the official diagnosis and to verify if he would need a helmet. So I made an appointment with a doctor at Primary Children's. Today we went in to see the specialist. First thing he said is why didn't the doctor tell us what exercises to do with him to help. And that this is something that should have been noticed and seen about when he was 1 month old and not 4 months! The way he talked down to us made us feel like it was our fault! Aargh! I wanted to scream at him and cry at the same time. On one hand, I don't feel like we did anything wrong or neglected anything. At 1 month of age, the flat areas in the back of his head were still in the process of filling out, and there didn't appear to be any stiffness in his neck at all. At his 2 month appointment the pediatricain said that his head was still a little more flat than it should be, and to make sure we give him plenty of tummy time so it can do that. So that is what we did. When I started noticing that one side of his head wasn't filling out, I tried to prop him so that he would lay on the other side to give it the chance to fill out. Obviously, it didn't. Than at 3 months of age, we started noticing that he was tilting his head to the right, and that he wouldn't look left as much as right, and when you would try to move his head or tilt it to the left, it was stiff and he did not like it at all! I was a little concerned, but this had happened with my nephew when he was a baby, and after time of propping him so he looked the other way, he filled out and had full range of his neck. So we thought we would do the same and see how things went and discuss it with the doctor at his 4 month check-up. Well, I guess that was the wrong thing to do according to this specialist! Sometimes, I feel like we did the best we could with what we knew and were told to do, but fell short. But sometimes today, I start to think about it and wonder, Was there more I could have done? Did I really do all that I could? Was I not concerned enough about my baby to get in sooner? I must be a bad mom. Is it because I work a full time job and am not with him all day? If I was with him all day, would I have noticed it happening sooner? Or did I do the right thing, and it couldn't have been avoided no matter what we did or how early we noticed symptoms? But how dare the doctor be all "high and mighty" like that? Just because you are a Plastic Surgeon and a cranial specialist does not give you the right to treat someone like that! Especially a first time mom! Jerk!!!! Anyway, so now we will be taking Elliot to physical therapy, doing stretches at home, and tomorrow he goes in to get fitted for the helmet. Hopefully everything will correct itself quickly. Okay I feel a bit better now, well, until the next emotional breakdown.