Lost and Drowning

Lately I have been feeling really lost and lonely. For the past couple months I have been doubting a decision and wanting to try a different approach. When I finally got the courage to tell this to him, I was informed that it was most likely not possible. Apparently my fears and procrastination have ruined my life, again. I thought that it's never too late, that some things are worth fighting for. But I guess I'm wrong. I'm the only one who feels this way. Now, he has moved on and found someone else to love. And I feel so abandoned.Yes, I was the one who made the decision in the first place. And I was so hurt and scared, and stubborn, that I couldn't listen to reason at the time or to try just a little harder. Now, I am left alone, with nobody to love me, no friends really to do anything with, no hobbies or activities to do or chance to meet any one new when I was ready. How can someone forget love so quickly and just toss it out like that? I know he didn't intend to, but it still is tearing me apart. And if it wasn't for my son, I don't know if I would even want to go on living anymore. Elliot is literally saving me right now. However, I do not want to fall into the same trap with Elliot that I did in my marriage. I DO NOT want my entire life to become him, I DO NOT want to completely lose who I am because of it. That is what I did in my marriage, and now I am paying for it. Sometimes I wish I had no heart so it could never love or break again. I don't know how to move on and move past this.Nate and I are still good friends and are really trying to continue that, especially for Elliot. At the same time, it is very difficult to see him move on and see changes he is making and knowing that some one else is probably going to have the life with him that I had wanted with him and tried to have, but now, never will. I don't see how I can get past it all. I am drowning and don't know how to swim out of this muck.