Christmas and such

I'm finally getting around to posting about Christmas. And I'm sad to say that I didn't get a whole lot of pics this year. All the picture's of Elliot on Christmas morning are on my parent's camera. I was busy helping him open his gifts that I didn't get any of him on my camera. Oh well, I'll get copies from them eventually. This Christmas was a  hard one. The first Christmas since the separation and divorce. I struggled a lot during the holidays this year. But I made it through, (and in one piece) however, Nate and I decided that we would do things a little differently next year. This year, Nate had Elliot for a few hours on Christmas Eve for a family party. Than when that party was done, they called me to come over so that I could watch Elliot open his gifts from everybody and so that I could see the kids open their gifts from Elliot. I had made Elizabeth and Olivia each a stuffed puppy, they turned out so cute! You can see pics of them in a previous post here . I was glad they allowed me to do that, they even had a few gifts for me, which I wasn't expecting and am very grateful. It was nice to be able to do that. I think it helped in the transition of everything. Especially since the divorce was final about a week or 2 before Christmas. Just crappy timing! Elliot spent Christmas day with me and my family. Christmas morning was really hard not having Nate there. My parent's obviously were there and got to watch Elliot open his gifts, but Nate wasn't. Later when I talked to Nate, he admitted he had a really hard time also. So we decided that next Christmas, Elliot's gifts will be over at Nate's and on Christmas morning, Elliot and I will go over there and have him open his gifts with both Nate and me there. Now that is still a year away almost, and circumstances and such may change, so we may have to adapt that plan a bit. But for now that is the plan, we both want to be able to have that magic of Christmas morning with Elliot. We feel it important for him also to have both of us there. This year I am really tight on money and knew that I wouldn't be able to get much for Elliot. That was hard because there are so many things I would like to be able to get and do for him. But I knew that "stuff" doesn't matter and that he would enjoy what ever it was he got, it wouldn't matter to him that it wasn't much. I was able to get him a little dump truck that had a little driver and some big lego blocks in it. A big stuffed doggie chair, a book, and some Christmas pj's for Christmas Eve. I figured that would be enough and he would love it and be happy. About a week or 2 before Christmas, we found a big package left on our doorstep. In it was an anonymous Christmas card wishing Elliot and me a wonderful Christmas. With the card was $100 for me, and a bunch of toys for Elliot. When I saw all this I started to cry I was so overwhelmed and grateful. It's not like I wasn't able to get anything for Elliot for Christmas, but someone wanted to help. And I was and still am, so grateful! I still cry about it when I think of this amazing act of love and kindness. It made me really remember the true meaning of Christmas and that I do have people around me who love me and Elliot. I obviously don't know who it was, and it doesn't matter. But if whoever it was reads this, I thank you and I love you! I hope that I am in the position someday where I can pass that along and be able to do the same for some body else. So between what I was able to give him, our Secret Santa, what he got from aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, Elliot totally scored this Christmas. And he loves it all, but especially the balls and cars. He did get quite a few books for Christmas, up until recently he wasn't much interested in books other than to throw them around, try to tear the pages, or eat them. But now he will bring one of his books to me,say book, (which when he says it, it sounds more like "bool") and try to climb on my lap. So we will read it. Sometimes he doesn't want to sit still through the whole book and will want a different one before we are done with the first one. But more and more he is getting interested in them. And I love it. I love reading and I hope he does too. It has always been a tradition in my family that we get a book for Christmas. There have been some years due to tight budget that we may not have gotten one, but most years we do. That is something I always looked forward to at Christmas and hope to continue that tradition with Elliot. It was a hard Christmas emotionally, but it was a good one. And I'm so happy that my brother Adam was able to be here. He lives in California and we only get to see him once a year sometimes 2 if we are real lucky. He brought his new girlfriend (well, she isn't real new as they have been dating for about 8 months, but we hadn't met her yet). She is awesome! We had so much fun spending time with and getting to know Kathleen. I just hope we weren't too crazy for her. Adam, she is a keeper! ;) We love you Kathleen! We also did family pics while Adam was here. We now have 2 additions to the family since the last family picture's were taken, Elliot and my brother Nicholas' wife Randi. It was crazy, but fun. Thanks Jessica for doing them for us. We did our pics at the City Library downtown. Afterwards, my parent's, Elliot and me, and Adam and Kathleen walked around Temple Square. We had forgotten to put the stroller in the car, so we had to take turns carrying Elliot. He was so cute all bundled up in his coat, hat, gloves and blanket. I wish I had had my camera with me. :( It was cold, but fun! New Year's was not fun AT ALL! It was been 6 years since I have been single. So being alone on New Year's was very difficult and lonely for me. And it made it harder for me knowing that Nate is now dating someone and was able to be with someone and have fun on New Year's. I know, I was having my own little pity-party I guess. But it was still hard. My bro and sis-in-law were having a party and I was going to go to it. But then I decided that it would probably be worse for me to go be with a bunch of people who were with dates. So I stayed home, played games on facebook and  stalked people's blogs. Pretty boring and sad. Over all it was a good Christmas. I am definitely glad to say goodbye to 2011. It was a very difficult year for me. Now for the New Year and a chance to start with a clean slate. I plan to make this year better. I know I will have many challenges that will be placed before me, but I hope and pray that I can take each day as it comes and to make lemonade out of lemons if I have to. It will be difficult, but if I take it day by day, pray, attend the temple, and stay close to my Heavenly Father, I know that I can make it. It will get better and easier. I have to keep reminding myself of this every day. But I know it will get better.